Time transcripts of Liam

[00:00:00:00]	[ Interviewer: ] Okay.

[00:00:01:12]	So, can you state your name and the date?

[00:00:03:14]	Uh, yes, Liam and April 29, 2012. 

[00:00:07:07]	Okay, cool. So, what words do you use to 

[00:00:11:00]	describe your identity in terms of gender?

[00:00:14:20]	[ Liam: ] In terms of gender... um... I 

[00:00:19:02]	am transgender, and so that's what I use to 

[00:00:22:08]	describe myself. Female-bodied, but 

[00:00:25:06]	male-identified. I kinda see gender as fluid, 

[00:00:30:05]	though, but I am more male-oriented. 

[00:00:33:08]	[ Interviewer: ] Okay, cool. So what words do you

[00:00:37:13]	use to describe your identity in terms of your sexuality? 

[00:00:41:01]	[ Liam: ] In terms of sexuality it starts getting crazier, 

[00:00:44:10]	and so I just define myself as being queer, and 

[00:00:48:02]	I like girls. [ laughs ] Because that's the easiest

[00:00:52:04]	way to describe it. People are like, "Oh, are you 

[00:00:54:28]	gonna be straight after you transition?" And 

[00:00:57:06]	it's like, no, I'll still be queer as anything! 

[00:00:59:16]	[ Interviewer: ] So, how did you come to sort of adapt those 

[00:01:05:10]	specific words? How did you get to that point of using those 

[00:01:09:11]	and identifying as those words? [ Liam: ] It took 

[00:01:12:26]	me a while, actually. I came out as being gay when I 

[00:01:17:00]	was like, in middle school, and everyone knew me 

[00:01:19:28]	as gay in high school, and I never identified with 

[00:01:21:28]	the term lesbian. I don't know why. It just like... It

[00:01:26:13]	unsettled me and so I just always told people I was 

[00:01:29:12]	gay, and then it took me until freshman year of 

[00:01:34:09]	college, when I was like oh, okay, this is why I 

[00:01:37:10]	never felt like a lesbian, because actually, I'm a 

[00:01:40:24]	boy! And so, it took me a while to get to the point 

[00:01:45:02]	where it was like, okay, I'm a queer guy who enjoys 

[00:01:48:27]	being with women. And so that's kind of my journey 

[00:01:53:15]	to these terms. [ laughs ] [ Interviewer: ] So what experiences 

[00:01:57:29]	have you had with describing your identity- either one- 

[00:02:01:08]	to other people who identify as LGBTQ? [ Liam: ] It's 

[00:02:09:06]	been pretty positive. I actually got to take a trip to 

[00:02:11:22]	Baltimore for Creating Change, it's this big national 

[00:02:15:04]	conference and um, when I was there, on my nametag, 

[00:02:19:03]	it had my preferred name, and I instantly- when I met 

[00:02:24:15]	people, it was just like, "Hi, my name's Liam, and I prefer 

[00:02:26:23]	masculine pronouns." And no one questioned it, I never 

[00:02:30:28]	had anyone asking me anything about my identity, they 

[00:02:34:05]	just automatically were like, "Okay, that's your experience 

[00:02:37:03]	and that's how I'm going to take it." But overall, it's been 

[00:02:41:16]	pretty positive. [ Interiewer: ] So then... How has your 

[00:02:46:15]	experience been with describing your identity to people 

[00:02:50:14]	who don't identify as LGBTQ? [ Liam: ] Um, a little bit 

[00:02:55:25]	different, obviously. I haven't explicitly told many people 

[00:03:02:03]	who aren't in, like, the queer community, and so I only 

[00:03:05:28]	have a couple reactions to go off of, and that's like family, 

[00:03:08:20]	who take it kind personally in some way, and it takes them 

[00:03:16:28]	a lot more time. No one in my family and none of my 

[00:03:20:29]	straight friends refer to me as Liam or use masculine 

[00:03:24:05]	pronouns around me. And so, it's more of a... It'll take 

[00:03:29:02]	them a long time to adjust to doing it, and it'll actually 

[00:03:33:25]	take me getting on them constantly, about "hey," you 

[00:03:38:03]	know, "why don't you use these pronouns instead?" 

[00:03:39:29]	before they actually start using them. [ Interviewer: ] 

[00:03:42:26]	So, how do you decide, like, when you tell someone your 

[00:03:46:29]	name, how do you decide which name to tell them? 

[00:03:49:09]	[ Liam: ] Um... usually... [ laughs ] That's a complicated question. 

[00:03:56:27]	If I'm in a queer group, any time there's going 

[00:04:02:02]	to be queer people around, I'm usually, almost 

[00:04:04:07]	always going to be Liam. And then, slowly, 

[00:04:09:10]	I'm starting to tell almost everyone to use my 

[00:04:12:07]	preferred name. But I live with most of my straight 

[00:04:17:01]	friends. Like, most of my friends are queer, but 

[00:04:20:02]	the only people I'm friends with that are straight are 

[00:04:23:23]	my roommates, so it's like... none of them have 

[00:04:27:25]	used it yet, and they've known me for two years, so it's 

[00:04:31:00]	just kind of... [ laughs ] It's a tricky topic. [ Interviewer: ] 

[00:04:36:27]	So, do think it's really difficult to explain to 

[00:04:40:19]	people, along with the name change and the pronouns, 

[00:04:43:18]	is it difficult to describe to people who don't identify 

[00:04:46:07]	as LGBTQ other terms with gender, like dysphoria 

[00:04:51:16]	and stuff like that? Do you have a lot of trouble 

[00:04:53:10]	with that? [ Liam: ] Oh, yeah, definitely. I don't think I've... 

[00:04:56:11]	There are very few people I talk to about dysphoria in 

[00:04:59:15]	general because there are a handful of people who understand 

[00:05:03:08]	what it is and that's not something someone who's straight 

[00:05:06:28]	can identify with, or even someone who's cis can identify 

[00:05:11:23]	with. Saying, like, I feel so horrible about myself for

[00:05:16:01]	this reason today. It's like when someone wants to lose a 

[00:05:22:29]	little bit of weight, but it's like no, it's completely different. 

[00:05:25:06]	They don't understand dysphoria. And as far as gender, 

[00:05:31:00]	people understand the word transgender, but they don't 

[00:05:33:14]	understand genderqueer, necessarily. Or like, I don't 

[00:05:37:17]	necessarily feel like a boy trapped in a girl's body. Or like 

[00:05:42:04]	I was supposed to be born a boy. It's more of like, I was 

[00:05:46:00]	supposed to be born a girl and then go through this journey. 

[00:05:48:17]	To where I am today, and to get to this point, so I have no 

[00:05:52:19]	problem with my past self. There are many trans* guys who 

[00:05:57:01]	have that problem, but I don't, and I have accepted 

[00:05:59:10]	it, and so it's just like... it's difficult to do that. 

[00:06:02:29]	[ Interviewer: ] One thing I thought of... just 

[00:06:06:02]	for the benefit of people who are watching 

[00:06:07:28]	this who might not know... can you explain 

[00:06:10:10]	briefly what the difference is between... what 

[00:06:13:13]	dysphoria is and then how you would describe 

[00:06:15:20]	someone who is cisgender? Just, like, in a couple 

[00:06:18:01]	words. [ Liam: ] Sure, okay. [ laughs ] Dysphoria 

[00:06:22:21]	is like waking up in the morning and not wanting 

[00:06:27:25]	to get out of bed or to look in the mirror for 

[00:06:32:23]	any reason, because you know that the person 

[00:06:35:12]	looking back at you isn't who you really are. 

[00:06:37:29]	And it's painful because you see yourself as 

[00:06:41:15]	a different way inside your head, and then 

[00:06:44:06]	you walk down the street and realize, oh, my 

[00:06:47:07]	god, all these people can see these flaws that 

[00:06:49:22]	I have. And they can see this totally different 

[00:06:53:29]	person that I actually am. [ Interviewer: ] So then, 

[00:06:57:29]	cisgender people don't suffer from gender dysphoria? 

[00:07:03:12]	[ Liam: ] Right. Yeah. Cisgender people don't 

[00:07:06:13]	realize... Like, they may wake up in the morning 

[00:07:08:23]	and think, "Oh, man, I need to start jogging. 

[00:07:10:10]	I should lose some weight." Or, "I wish I didn't 

[00:07:12:22]	have a nose this big," or something. But when 

[00:07:15:15]	I wake up in the morning I wish I could change 

[00:07:18:14]	all of my mannerisms and all of my characteristics 

[00:07:21:13]	to make it into this person... this totally different 

[00:07:24:20]	person who I should be. [ Interviewer ] Well, thank you. Very much.